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[Jun. 22nd, 2009|10:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  i don't care | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Regina Spektor - Far | ] |
The Last Time I Was This...
Apathetic About an Important Deadline, I was in high school, not going to high school. There was a list of End of Semester assignments due for classes I may have attended once or twice in the whole term. Over the three years of my effort at secondary education, I first stayed home and built castles with LEGO, then stayed home and swam, and finally stayed home and wrote fiction. The assignments always got done, often late, and high grades begrudgingly given and accompanied with notes about attendance.
Those three years were accompanied by a feeling of detachment, which was better than the gripping panic that sat in my chest on my way to school, on my way to recess, on my way to lunch, on my way to the bus stop. I liked learning, I liked the teachers but oh fuck, I hated my peers. I didn't understand how anyone could be so mean to someone who is was so intrinsically nice. I had never met a nasty person before I went to high school.
I recently got word that the campus is due for demolition. There is a reunion in August. I plan to demolish some faces.
Now I have a guy's screenplay waiting to be read and assessed, promised delivery: yesterday. I'm writing web articles and descriptions of pedigree dog breeds*, due last week, like everything. Through ten years of assorted employment, I've finally figured out that working for myself, in pyjamas, means no more panic.
But there is severe detachment.
A foolish confidence that it will get all done and I will get a good grade.
I'm yet to be proved wrong, but my guts know it's only a matter for time.
For example: There are dogs to write about but I am updating my LiveJournal.
- Tegan
* Ethical dilemma, but she paid upfront (and generously), sorry dogs. |
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| Comments: |
ah but I have missed you on teh lj.
PLEASE FUCKING REAPPLY IN TWO WEEKS. I'll shit if not. I almost shit when I saw the results anyway. Ugh. You so didn't deserve to go. D: But you just come back and you show 'em!!
Boooo. I don't know, I'm pretty crap taking rejection and even worse at making friends, so maybe I'll run away, at least for a while. BUT I LOVE YOU.
Hey tegan. I'm from bb_, remember me? I just wanted to tell you that we miss you over there. I think you getting voted out was a big bummer and there were other girls that should have been voted out but somehow it was you that got it. A lot of us, myself included, think it would be cool if you reapplied and came back. We miss you :(
Oh oh!! Of course I remember you Saundra, you're one of my favs :D
Okay okay I think I will reapply... I have to wait two weeks, right? I'll think about it, and try and get some confidence pumpin' - you asking me to come back does help :) Thank you, it's nice to feel loved :) :) xo
Ahh Tegan. Please reapply to bb_, I miss you so much! It's totally undeserving that you got voted off. D:
Briannaaaaaa! I'll think about it. But, probably yes, probably I will. You are too cute to say no to. | |
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tegan's journal
